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| − | <p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Tahoma;"><span style="font-size: 200%;"> |
+ | <p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Tahoma;"><span style="font-size: 200%;">Nebtown Gazelle: Public Service Announcement on Elder Abuse</span></span></p><p style="text-align: center;">[Now in Singapore, and with 50% more memes!]</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> Recently, a new problem has appeared on the homefront. No, it's not another attack of the channers, it's the horrific and violent problem of elder abuse. Now not many Canadians know, but the incidences of elder abuse have shot up by well over nine thousand percent in just the last three years. Which is a very big indicator that either long cat was behind this or something bigger is happening. As we do with all Nebtown articles, we sent a specialist team to observe the problem at its source. On the way, our team which were flying the Singaporean Flag, were flagged down by some Russians. They asked them if there was any elder abuse in their country, and they replied, "In Soviet Russia, elders abuse you!" Our team continued further into the heart of our nation to uncover the truth behind elder abuse. They went all the way to Aperture Science labs, then they relized they had made a wrong turn at Alberquerky, and headed back to Happytimes Retirement Home. There they uncovered a very gruesome reality: all throughout the home they found seniors in utter panic. Some were fighting each other, some were knawing at each others ears, but all had aids. It was horrific that all of them be stricken down before the rest of us, because we all deserve aids. Especially the children. They also discovered that the main cause of elder abuse were the seniors themselves. Or their sons who had to invite them to Christmas dinner to be respectful, but JUST COULDN'T TAKE IT AFTER THE FIFTH TIME OL' PA JUST HAD TO RECITE THE ENTIRE FAMILY HISTORY, and eventually said "Get the fuck out of my house, I don't care if you have Alzeimhers- just go!" Finally they left, and then their sons rejoiced by saying never again. Never again. Or perhaps the kind of elder abuse that steal wallets and things because they're not strong enough to accost young women. Thats the kind of abuser that's in their late forties, but still in pretty good health but not sufficiently to be proclaimed healthy. Those kind of guys, you see them everywhere, usually Best Buy employees or those guys who look at you funny at the airport. Remember kids shop at Future Shop, you won't forget it,</p> |
[[Image:KEVIN_KOSTNER.jpg|thumb|333px|Fuck Look at that badassery, you fucking know you wanna be as old yet badass as him. Fuck yeah]]<p>and buy Canadian. If Barack can be nationalist so can we. Our team later found out that Happytimes Retirement Home was affected by the recession, and didn't have enough money for meds. They didn't take their Zoloft. ♥Zoloft. With all this research done the Nebtown team was faced with a tough call, wait it out or find a solution, and go in waffle guns a-blazin'. Like any good action movie, such as the Guardian, [In which Kevin Kostner is fucking Badass], they picked the latter.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>The Nebtown team soon came up with a solution to the elder abuse problem. The answer, while shocking, has helped many cases of elder abuse. The Nebtown team is now pushing to roll back the term elder abuse to. "When you see someone attacking or attemping to injure an elder, but like really seriously not just some little jabs and kicks we mean full on he wants that guy to die, and he wants it now, and hes gonna get what he wants, use your 6-shooter." The Nebtown team felt good about themselves feeling that atleast they brought joy to some old people who may not ever even know their own names let alone their grandchildren's.</p><p>However if your still feeling fouled about this verdict there may be something you can do!</p><p><span style="font-family: Tahoma;"><span style="font-size: 150%;"><strong><u>Pretend you give a shit about Elder Abuse.</u></strong></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Tahoma;"><span style="font-size: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 100%;">In order to help people feel that you are indeed aware of the current elder abuse</span></span></span> <span style="font-family: Tahoma;"><span style="font-size: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 100%;">situation, make sure to:</span></span></span></p> |
[[Image:KEVIN_KOSTNER.jpg|thumb|333px|Fuck Look at that badassery, you fucking know you wanna be as old yet badass as him. Fuck yeah]]<p>and buy Canadian. If Barack can be nationalist so can we. Our team later found out that Happytimes Retirement Home was affected by the recession, and didn't have enough money for meds. They didn't take their Zoloft. ♥Zoloft. With all this research done the Nebtown team was faced with a tough call, wait it out or find a solution, and go in waffle guns a-blazin'. Like any good action movie, such as the Guardian, [In which Kevin Kostner is fucking Badass], they picked the latter.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>The Nebtown team soon came up with a solution to the elder abuse problem. The answer, while shocking, has helped many cases of elder abuse. The Nebtown team is now pushing to roll back the term elder abuse to. "When you see someone attacking or attemping to injure an elder, but like really seriously not just some little jabs and kicks we mean full on he wants that guy to die, and he wants it now, and hes gonna get what he wants, use your 6-shooter." The Nebtown team felt good about themselves feeling that atleast they brought joy to some old people who may not ever even know their own names let alone their grandchildren's.</p><p>However if your still feeling fouled about this verdict there may be something you can do!</p><p><span style="font-family: Tahoma;"><span style="font-size: 150%;"><strong><u>Pretend you give a shit about Elder Abuse.</u></strong></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Tahoma;"><span style="font-size: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 100%;">In order to help people feel that you are indeed aware of the current elder abuse</span></span></span> <span style="font-family: Tahoma;"><span style="font-size: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 100%;">situation, make sure to:</span></span></span></p> |
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<span style="font-family: Tahoma;"><span style="font-size: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 100%;">Most importantly go by the rule</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Tahoma;"><span style="font-size: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 100%;">when in doubt whip it out. This is a general rule for most problematic cases across all catagories.</span></span></span> |
<span style="font-family: Tahoma;"><span style="font-size: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 100%;">Most importantly go by the rule</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Tahoma;"><span style="font-size: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 100%;">when in doubt whip it out. This is a general rule for most problematic cases across all catagories.</span></span></span> |
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| − | + | <p><span style="font-family: Tahoma;"><span style="font-size: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 100%;">However if they continue to question you on your defense for elders when you</span></span></span> <span style="font-family: Tahoma;"><span style="font-size: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 100%;">don't know jack shit, use one of the Nebtown recommended sayings:</span></span></span></p> |
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<span style="font-family: Tahoma;"><span style="font-size: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 100%;">Yes we can. Yes we can.</span></span></span> |
<span style="font-family: Tahoma;"><span style="font-size: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 100%;">Yes we can. Yes we can.</span></span></span> |
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| − | </ol><p></p><p><span style="font-family: Tahoma;"><span style="font-size: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 100%;">In conclusion, always make sure to end your conversation by talking about how</span></span></span> <span style="font-family: Tahoma;"><span style="font-size: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 100%;">amazing Kevin Kostner was.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Tahoma;"><span style="font-size: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 100%;">In short: more pictures of Kevin Kostner from the Guardian. </span></span></span></p> |
+ | </ol><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: Tahoma;"><span style="font-size: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 100%;">In conclusion, always make sure to end your conversation by talking about how</span></span></span> <span style="font-family: Tahoma;"><span style="font-size: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 100%;">amazing Kevin Kostner was.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Tahoma;"><span style="font-size: 150%;"><span style="font-size: 100%;">In short: more pictures of Kevin Kostner from the Guardian. </span></span></span></p><p></p> |
| − | [[Image:More_Costner.jpg|thumb|left|400px|Kevin Costner, and Ashton Kutcher but screw him. Kevins on the left.]] |
+ | [[Image:More_Costner.jpg|thumb|left|400px|Kevin Costner, and Ashton Kutcher but screw him. Kevins on the left.]]<p></p> |
| − | [[Image:Kevin_Fucking_Costner.jpg|thumb|left|400px|Kevin resucing the shit out of some oil rig workers.]]<p></p><p></p><p></p><p>< |
+ | [[Image:Kevin_Fucking_Costner.jpg|thumb|left|400px|Kevin resucing the shit out of some oil rig workers.]]<p></p><p></p><p></p><p><span style="font-size: 100%;"></span></p><p></p><p></p> |
| − | [[Image:COSTNER!.jpg|thumb|left|400px|A less bad-ass Kostner showing his down to earth side. With Badass Parka However.]]<p> |
+ | [[Image:COSTNER!.jpg|thumb|left|400px|A less bad-ass Kostner showing his down to earth side. With Badass Parka However.]]<p> </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p> |