Nebtown Gazelle: New Mandatory School Survey Reveals 97% of Highschool Kids are Fake and/or Gay.
A recent school study instituted by the Harper government has come to a shocking conclusion. The study showed that based on the answers of the survey that about ninety-seven percent of high school students were indeed fake and/or gay. The survey was issued with the DPA form for physical activity. The Conservative party thought up the idea when Harper brought it up after asking his granddaddy what to do about today's new fangled kids. His daddy told him to put 'em to work, but they thought an annoying DPA piece of shit that no one really gives a shit about would be better. On the mandatory survey 98% of school students admitted to having sacrificed their personality in order to be like everyone else, ever. In short they admitted to being Asian. Shockingly another 90% of females, and 0% of males admitted to having committed gay and/or lesbian acts before. However that part of the test was omitted as god hates gays, but females being lesbian is just plain hawt. Another 25% admitted trading in their GPA for PCP. Another 1% of students used superior ninja skills, and opted out of the test all together. Yeah ninja class what'cha gonna do about it Ben? HUH WHAT!? That's what I thought. Another 75% also opted to change this article into an article about puppies.
Why puppies make the world go 'round, and 'round.
1. Puppies are fuzzy, soft, cute, and they don't bite you like 69% of the worlds other creatures.
2. Barrack Obama owns a puppy it's a black puppy. A black puppy that moved from it's native land to mate with a white puppy. However the black puppy had a dream. The black puppy had a dream that one day his puppy would be the Head of Puppy. That puppy did grow up to be the head of puppy, but he supported the Biodome party. The price you pay to get into the white house eh?
3. Puppies are the only type of meat that doesn't go well with mustard. A sign? Yes it's a sign that puppies are the only creature you shouldn't eat. Don't worry though when they become dogs you can always move to China, and eat them.
Except for puppies. They got diplomatic immunity..... so Hammer you can't sue.
4. Puppies are the one thing that averted the LHC from consuming the world in a massive blackhole. How you say? Gordon Freeman had a small puppy in his hardhat in case anything went wrong. The more you know!
5. If a puppy has five Obamium Barraxide, and you have five Johnium McCyanide, the puppy has more Johnium McCyanide than you.
6. Why did the Bananaphone store go out of business across the street? A cellular puppyular phone store opened up across town. It made a profit as soon as the construction crew arrived from pre-orders.
7. Once Mr.T, Chuck Norris, and a puppy walked into a bar. Chuck Norris, and Mr.T instantly exploded, and the bar morphed with the puppy. The puppy instantly become a Jack Daniels breed puppy. However it was later changed
to Jack Russel because drinkings bad for puppy health.
8. They say all babies are born sin-free, and then they grow up to become sinful adults. If that's true then puppies are sin-free, and then grow up to be eaten in China.
9. Puppies are blind after birth due to the fact that if they had their eyes open the combined cuteness of three or more puppies would cause the world to explode.
10. Some small mammals look like puppies. They aren't please stayed informed, and KNOW YOUR PUPPEH.
11. The P in SPCA stands for puppy, but the SPCA doesn't treat puppies, because puppies are too cute to get sick, the SPCA just worships puppies.
12. If the world were solely inhabited by puppies all of the worlds problems would be solved. Way to go for not being a puppy jackass. l:<>
13. For just five dollars you could have bought a small puppy, but no you just had to have that sandvich didn't you?
14. God said he could build the world in seven days. Puppies gave him six.
15. Puppies can kill... nah puppies don't kill their just so cute.
16. Once upon a time god said "Let there be light!" There was much rejoicing.
Another time he said "Let there be PUPPY!" Three years later people will still wasted out of their minds after the two year long party dedicated to puppies. All your friends were there, and there was cake, delicious, scrumptious cake.
The Worst Job on Earth : "Dog Catcher" testimonial by a real dog worker.
I used to be a dog catcher. The guy that ran around in those vans catching strays. It was an alright job the pay was good, but I felt like a heartless prune. I was always catching helpless dogs that didn't have tags. Puppies that had no owners. How could a puppy not have an owner. One day while a puppy was in the back its cuteness got to me. I pulled over the truck, and called my mom. We discussed my job for hours. Eventually we came to agreement. She was pretty scared about the whole thing. She didn't like me living out in Philly just to catch dogs. So she said "Your moving with your Auntie, and your uncle in Bel Air" I begged, and pleaded with her day after day, but she packed my suitcase and sent me all away. She gave me a kissing, and she gave me my ticket. I put my walk man on, and said "Well I might as well kick it!"
First class yo this is bad drinking orange juice out of a champagne glass? Is this what the people of Bel Air livin' like? Hmmm this might be alright! Well I, the plane landed and when I came out there was a dude looking like a cop standing there with my name out. I ain't trying to get arrested yet, I just got here. I sprang with the quickness like lightning. disappeared. I whistled for a cab and when it came near, the license plate said "Fresh", and it had dice in the mirror. If anything I could tell that this cab was rare, but I said " Awww forget it yo homes to Bel Air!" I pulled up to the house about seven or eight, and I yelled to the cabby "Yo homes smell ya later." I looked at my kingdom, I was finally there! To sit on my throne as the prince of Bel Air!'