Nebtown Gazelle: That Guy Population Skyrockets
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Recently an influx in "That Guy" sightings have been reported. Where these things are coming from remains uncertain. However this is not to be alarming as That Guy has been slipping into North America, and other parts of the world for some time now. Our expert in That guy analogy had this to say. "That guys often resemble a sack of firm jello with hair that may or may not resemble going super saiyan; regardless their power levels are not over nine thousand quite yet, and should not be for some time soon. Your typical That guy is average height. Common chararistics include rapist glasses, pedophile beards, speech impedents, shyness, or they work at NASA." He concluded by saying," While not all That guys are violent, I recommend a healthy dosage of pepper spray, and/or garlic powder. Whatever kills those bastards, as if say someone was to unite That guys in a common goal such as zombification of the world, they would be unstoppable.
However one questioned remained on the Nebtown team. Where are these That guys coming from? They went to our borders to see what we could find out. As it turns out the border team responsible for keeping out those kind of That guys was rather lacking. They also discovered that their very workforce was contaminated by one of those That guys, although he was quick to point out he had a glandular problem. He said he had started his very own Nutrisystem diet, because Jenny Craig is for fags. They were quick to respond that he should have spent that money on a go-kart. He was silent soon after. The Nebtown team concluded their study by stating. "They're on the inside man, we gotta get out man, if we don't act this whole things going to get blown to shit man." We regarded their comments highly, and have plans to move to Singapore this fall. In conclusion, these That guys don't seem to be going away soon so best of luck from the Nebtown Team, and DON'T GET ELIMINATED. And hopefully the That guy problem won't cause MASSIVE DAMAGE, and become an hero.
How to spot a "That Guy":
- often very bundled up in heavy clothing
- hair may be infringed with particles of dirt
- may work with you
- only respond to you with a quick grunt of acceptance before finishing off their sandvich in one disgusting bite, which prompts you to let out a dissatisfactory "Aww Nasty." from which they respond with a subtle "What?"
Many types of that guy are out there. Our team has researched the topic and found one thousand three hundred and thirty-seven types of that guys. However we were too lazy so we broke it down to three.
That Guy that looks like he should have TYPE 1 DIABEETUS.
This type of guy usually walks around in whatever environment you encountered him in with one quest.
He noms every fucking thing he can with the most disgusting sounds imaginable. Usually included is the triple chin, bald spot, as well as Granny arms. Keep your distance as they are very territorial. But usually very quiet. Usually they kinda that goes on office/school/college/domestic rampages.
The guy you know nothing about, but does shit way better than you.
Remember that guy always stealing your job wherever you go? That man who you swear must be your arch rival, but always greats you with kindness and respect? Yeah that guy is a very dangerous guy. This kind of guy ranges all the way back to the days of the CPR. In those days Chinese that guys would come over, and took jobs for lower wages. Common that guys include: Kyle Craddock, Chuck Norris.
The dumbshit that looks funny, doesn't talk, and always screws shit up.
This kind of that guy is usually associated with an animal such as a walrus. This type of That guy you wouldn't call fat, but more likely a walrus. Wherever you see them they're fumbling with stuff. Stuff you don't even know. Stuff only walruses would know about. Probably looking for their bucket at any rate, but how were you supposed to know that. You're not even a walrus. If your unfortunate to run into one of those guys just stop drop, and barrel roll. Then just go out and ride that go-kart you should have bought.
How to avoid that guys.
1. Don't go to fast food restaurants.
2. Move to someplace without that guy, like Singapore, or Nebcorps home base
3. Don't take his sta-sta-stapler.
4. You don't find Chuck Norris he finds you.
5. Eat your wheat.
6. Always keep your Pip-Boy with you. ALWAYS
7. Remember the four R's. Rampaging, Rescuing, RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGEing, and totally awesome dinosaur Romping.
8. Detonate the nuke at the center of your home town like you always wanted to [don't forget that +25 to theft and explosive skills you'll need it.]
9. Don't work at Initech.
10. Always stay loyal to Nebtown it's our best friend in a world we must defend! You teach me and I'll teach you! Nebtown! Gotta catch em all!
*Editor in Chief Bob Dole has recently been looking for other non Bob Dole related crew to help in distribution, editing, and writing of the Nebtown Gazelle. If you are interested contact Bob Dole, send a letter to 123@ Fake St., write to P.O box ..shitidon'thaveone@ontario, or visit Bob Dole's personal webpage.* FAKE AND OR GAY. THE CREW IS ACTUALLY AN ELITE TEAM OF 32 WEASELS. DON'T CALL US, WE'LL Jake.